we made out on top of his cat.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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