1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
