I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
