went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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