How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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