i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
