im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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