god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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