I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
