Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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