I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
