update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
