Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
