guys are only as good as the porn they watch
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
