My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
