i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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