saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
