You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I pour the whiskey from now on
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
