Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm at about main and main street
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
