So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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