I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You ruined the universe
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
