At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
