You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
