to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
