I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
