so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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