my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
