I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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