It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this boner is exhausting
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
