Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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