so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
