I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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