I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
