I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have already put on my inside pants.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
