a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My liver just broke up with me...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize