they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize