God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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