My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
