is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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