You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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