No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
