my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
