I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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