He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Life is so much better after having sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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