Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
