party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
