He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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