Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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