Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
