Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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