you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
