apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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