do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
