I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
