I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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