Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So apparently I’m into choking now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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