I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
