By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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