i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
