can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
