Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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