Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
