it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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