DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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