Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
