Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
