She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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