The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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