You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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