hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
