what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
