We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think i got beer on your cat.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
