Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
