You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
