Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
