If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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