So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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