i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
