my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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