Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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