do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize