I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
