i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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