I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
